Alright, readers. My brother is about twenty times funnier than I can pretend to be. Incidentally, he’s also played “Dragon Age: Origins,” and thought he’d do a review of it. So, for your reading pleasure, here’s a little bit of Jad for you.
“Dragon Age: Origins”. Wins VGA (video game awards) best rpg of the year. Also, it was fortunate enough to win “only rpg of the year”. Regardless, it still was a necessary experience. I am not usually into rpgs, so here comes a mediocre review.
First of all, you don’t slay dragons, you kill goblin-things. The game is pretty much lord of the rings, but the previews didn’t want you to think that. You don’t fight dragons. You don’t take on massive hordes by yourself. You are sent on missions. Enjoy your missions.
The entire character choice is poor. I started off as a dwarf, which is obviously the best class, lord of the rings shows (again). From there, I was battleaxe/maul master like a good dwarf. But like every rpg, you get a your little posse that follows you around. For some reason, you can only choose four, because the game is too lazy to keep up with more. I, the heroic, axe wielding, world saving dwarf, chose an 89 year old mage, a man notorious for killing mages, and needed a character to fill the third slot (as if corruption wasn’t present already). I had to make a difficult decision between two rogues. One was really good at picking locks, but otherwise, she lacked every fighting skill possible; lock picking is pretty neat though because you can get amazing items; oh, and she used to be a nun. The other rogue possessed every fighting and sneaking skill that a warrior needs. He also possesses an accent that is hard to interpret after hearing everybody else speak with a quaint English accent, and he has no lock picking skills. Yet, every time I try clicking a locked door to open it, he claims he has a shot at it. Oh, and I met him when he attempted to assassinate me. So do I choose the semi-worthless virgin or the semi-failure wannabe? I chose the war dog. He’s just a dog.
If I pan around to a certain angle, I can see inside my characters head and inspect the back of his eyeballs.
EA came up with an expansion pack. What a delight. It was like an eighth harry potter book too many. Yet, it made EA seem like they were leaving a part of the game out for those who bought it and expected a full rpg experience. Instead, we feel like we’re playing the Sims. Also, the expansion pack’s preview is an entire spoiler to for the real game. It made me not want to play it anymore. You can’t even recommend someone else to not watch the preview because that’s the only way EA is releasing information about it. Oh, and it costs $35, 70% of the actual game’s price, and this is just one adventure.
The game is enormous. If you love it from the start, you will obviously play it to the end, and then buy… THE EXPANSION PACK. If you hate it from the start, you are doomed. The plot is, unfortunately for you, surprisingly entertaining. Because this is an rpg where you decide how the story goes on, there is no Wikipedia page that will tell you what happens. You are better off watching a movie from the start. Or you could watch a YouTube video of the final battle that everyone fights (no matter which path you go) and press keys to make it look like you are the impressive rpg master. Crafty.
The plot is fun. The weapons choice is excellent. The battles take strategy. The game is worth it. Just keep this review in mind when you play it.