TF2: How to get a golden wrench?

I needed a place to put all the ideas about the new TF2 Update, and so I thought what better place than a blog post?

If you want to get a Golden Wrench, stay posted. I’ll be posting ideas (tested and otherwise) here.

Update: 7/8

Apparently, as a commenter mentioned before (sorry for thinking you were wrong), there is a pattern to how these golden wrench drops work. Thanks to Drunken F00l, the guy who made the out-of-game item management system, a list of times (still unreleased) for wrench drops was leaked. At these times, the first person to craft an item would get a golden wrench. So, the drops were a little less random than Valve would have liked us to think. Drunken F00l actually used this script to get himself a golden wrench, was caught, and then banned from the Valve network. He has plenty of other accounts to play on, but he had a custom Steam Community spy knife that he has since lost. Ouch. Thanks for the work anyways, Drunken Fool.

Forum here.

Check the update page?

If you look closely at the images taped to the Engineer’s wall on the update page, you’ll see a ton of hints to other weapons, like “Broadswords” (obviously the Demoman’s Eyelander), not to mention countless articles referring to stashes of gold being found.

Perhaps the update page has information to hold. Check it out here or visit

BUT THERE’S MORE. The blueprint on the update page covers more taped-up information. To see the page in it’s entirety, click here or visit

Golden… Tickets?

There’s a rumor that “in Willie Wonka, one found a golden ticket in chocolate bars, so shouldn’t the same happen for TF2?” That’s pretty far-fetched. Granted, Valve is far-fetched, so it makes perfect sense. I’m not sure how you’d do that, though. Crafting 2 chocolate bars together? Remember, you shouldn’t be able to get a golden wrench from any previous combination, so that should narrow things down.


The monkey sent into space, referenced quite often in the Engineer Update Page, was sent into space with “A giant sword, a pickax, and a bugle.”

Tried and Tested:

  • Chocolate + Chocolate = Scrapmetal
  • Chocolate + Chocolate + Chocolate = Class Token. Duhr.
  • Chocolate + Eyelander = Nothing. Boo.
  • Cloak and Dagger + Eyelander + Equalizer = Nothing. Not sure why I tried that.
  • Eyelander + Equalizer + Buff Banner = Nothing.

Update: No pattern. Boo.

I probably should have seen this coming, but there appears to be no real pattern to getting these wrenches. It’s totally random. You just have to craft a bunch of times and see what you get.  Apparently, your chance of getting a wrench are something like 1 in 2.63 MILLION. But there’s still that odd. Also, standard drop rates have increased a lot.

Battlefield Heroes running slow? Here’s why.

Battlefield Heroes: Cartoons have never been this badass.

Its those bloody Nationals! Thats why!

Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of people upset with Battlefield Heroes due to servers dropping their connections, et cetera. After some digging, I’ve come up with not just one, but two good reasons as to why this is happening.

They better be good…

First of all, as of late, Battlefield Heroes has passed its 3 millionth player mark, which is huge for them: the game has certainly come a long way in the past year or so, and I’m happy to say I’ve been in it allll the way since the private beta. I can’t say I’ve been playing as much (Left 4 Dead 2 has been keeping me substantially busy). Regardless, I feel as though I owe it to my readers to explain what in God’s name is going on over at EA’s Battlefield Heroes servers.

Yeah, it might not be the right logo, but it says the right words. Secondly, probably thanks to the recent player milestone, the Battlefield Heroes servers have seen more activity as of late then they ever have, which is a big deal. Huh. It would seem as though they could do with a few new servers, or something like that, to keep up with these new demands. So, why is all this activity happening now? Partly because EA and the Battlefield Heroes team released a new map for battlefield heroes, called “Sunset Showdown.” While the map doesn’t showcase anything new (apart from the sun being slightly lower in the sky), I’m sure it was reason enough for a lot of almost-fans to try the game out a second time, just for kicks. On top of that, those who are die-hard Battlefield addicts are probably drooling over the new weapons released (for a small fee, of course) to the game. At a price of 560 BattleFunds, you’ll get to indefinitely use the new weapons, which seem to just be better, without any real drawbacks. It doesn’t seem as though they put much thought into the weapons, which is a let down. Hey, at least Valve knows how to release new weapons.


Here are some numbers, just to show how crazy Battlefield Heroes has become.

  • First off, 1382 years of gameplay have been spent, cumulatively, by all the players.
  • 294, 697,962 people have ‘died’ in the game, more than 5 times the total number of people ever deployed to fight by the United States.
  • Every battle takes about 4.7 minutes to play. How quaint.

So, what now?

Well, first off, wait. The BFHeroes team is working diligently to fix all the connection issues, and there isn’t much left to do, apparently. If you’re getting a specific error message, try posting it here, and I’ll try to give you an answer as best I can.